She grew up Catholic in Northern Ireland. Belfast. The Falls Road area. A tough neighbourhood to say the least. She would regale us with stories of her youth, like when Protestant supporters of the British Crown locked up the swings at parks on Sundays. Their logic was that it was God's day of rest, so no one should be engaged in any activities: work, leisure, or otherwise. This was just one tactic of agitation and disruption perpetrated by either side during the dispute between the Unionists and Nationalists. There were many who suffered during this discord, including many neutral parties.
She eventually left this turmoil after attending Queen's University Belfast where she met her future husband and became a teacher in the North and Scotland. Eventually they moved to Canada with their young family laying tracks in Don Mills, Montreal, Guelph, and finally Hamilton.
So, other than stories of her life in Ireland, Scotland, England, and elsewhere, she has, not too occasionally, offered advice and words of wisdom.
The most significant wise words I recall from her:
If you lend people money, never expect to get it back, but if you do then it is a bonus.
Now, on the surface, one may think it discourages a person from helping someone out. That is far from the case. All it means, to me, is that you should help people. Of course. However, do not expect anything in return. This applies to, not only to the extension of funds but just helping others out in general. You do not do it to for gratification or the expectation of a favour returned.
You do it just because it is often the right thing to do. Honestly, it is a little less iron clad in regards to cold hard cash, but I often would spot a friend a fin, sawbuck, or even twenty bucks. I often would not be paid back. No biggie really. I had a friend who when we hooked up it seemed it was always off his pay cycle and I would occasionally flip him some dough. He would actually write me a cheque to cover it to be cashed after his payday. That is sterling character in my opinion.
Now when I was younger, fifty bones was something more. Back in the day, on what was minimum wage, that was a day's wage or more. Giving up a whole day's pay without expecting payback is a little hard to swallow. So, anyway, a bunch of us went to Montreal for the weekend to celebrate the end of the school year. We stayed at L'Hotel Americain on Rue Saint- Denis near the Old Port. It was a dump. It appeared rooms could be rented by the hour. We had a great time.
Except for one bloke who tagged himself on to the trip at the last minute. Jeff, a nice enough guy. He was strapped for cash, I am pretty sure we covered his hotel costs. I have no idea how he paid for the train. Anyway, he was pretty miserly and miserable the whole weekend as he was low on funds. No problem, collectively we covered him for most activities. Then he found a leather jacket he really liked. Why he was looking at leather jackets when he was pretty bust is beyond me. Well, after some back and forth with the future the wife, I offered to cover the difference he needed for the jacket. It was a loan. That was clear. That was understood. He assured me he would pay me back a week or so after we got back when he would get his paycheque.
It was fifty bones brother. A day's pay for me until I took my summer job in a factory, where the pay was quite generous. A week came and went. No money. He was parading the jacket in the growing heat. He liked it, he was proud of it. Great. Another week passed. No money. I was about to shrug it off as I was making decent coin at the mill. Then I was laid off. Lack of work. Students go first. It was a tough summer for work. So, that fifty meant more to get back.
Never did. It stuck in my craw for a good while. One day we were sitting around with the mother-in-law. We were bitching about people and their shortcomings. (Not very Buddha like.) I mentioned the loan for the leather jacket. That as when the mother-in-law laid that piece of wisdom on me.
It actually blew me away. It made sense really. How was I really damaged by this. I was not really. Some trust was lost. I never really saw the guy after that anyway. I think he chose to avoid me. Fine. So, finally I let it go.
Now, when someone asks for a favour or a (small) loan, if I am able, I do not hesitate. Sometimes it bites me in the ass. Oh well. It builds character. I do not think I ever thanked the mother-in-law for that advice. I will now, and this weekend. Thank-you!
Happy Birthday Maureen!!
the mother-in-law in belfast
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