i am liquefying

That is correct. I am dissolving as you read this. I saw my dentist about my tooth that hates me. It is infected and it needs to come out. He said my roots and the bone my teeth sit in are actually vanishing. What, like liquefying?! Yes. Super.

That explains my freakishly strong ankles. All the calcium is pooling in my feet and reforming into super-bones. It actually takes a lot for me to twist, sprain, or otherwise do any damage to my ankles. When I do, that means I did something really bad. We are talking ankle breaking, relearn how to walk type injuries. They leave me with sprains of varying degrees. I now know why, I have beefed up bones, which I already knew and have confirmed with medical professionals, surrounded by liquid bone armour. So, I guess those guys in grade nine were right. I am a freak. That freakishness is pretty flipping cool though.

What is not cool, is that I am running out teeth and bone to hold the teeth in place. The dentist still is not keen on pulling all my upper teeth and giving me a denture plate. We discussed prosthetics. He suggested putting in two prosthetics, one for each molar he wants to replace side-by-each. But first, we need to rebuild bone, then put the prosthetics in. How long will this take. About a year. Crap! How much will it cost? About ten grand. Double crap!! Oh, yeah. We need to do the other side as well the same way. Twenty grand! Triple crap!!!

How much would it cost to pull all my upper teeth and give me dentures. Less. Can we do that? Rather not. Crap! Oh, wait. There is another option. Place small prosthetics that, as I understand it, work like a place-holder, then I would get a partial denture prosthetic thingy that pops in and takes care of both sides. How much? Less than fourteen grand all in and all done. Crap, still.

Well, hook me up with a dental surgeon for a consultation. Good, he may have other options. Yeah, like pulling my teeth and giving me a dental plate. Well, a dental plate is still not cheap and you need to get it refitted or replaced every few years. And you are still looking at at least a couple of grand for dentures, on top of all the preliminary work, another couple of grand. Oh yeah, you may very well break the dentures from your grinding and will have to replace them sooner. For a couple of grand. They do not cost that much at flea markets. (Insert funny looks at this point.) Hey, I am a cheapskate.

So, he keeps bandying about option two, the place-holder do both sides at once pop-in thingy. Sorry to be so technical. Then he tell me, after looking at some x-rays, I am losing bone and roots on the bottom teeth too. Super. So, why do we not pull all my teeth? At least the top ones. He continues to talk about my liquefaction. He tells me that he has no other patients like me, in that I am losing bone and roots and grinding the hell out of my teeth. I have broken my hard night guard in fact. So, basically, my liquid armoured ankles and my liquefying mouth are what my mutant, or freakish if you will, abilities are.

I asked for a prescription for filet mignon as it is the most tender cut of steak and should minimise the impact on my rapidly vanishing mouth. He laughed. Okay, he says, what kind of personality do you like? Pardon? For the surgeon I am going to refer you too. Oh, I want a good one that will get the job done right. Well, they all are good and will do it right. Oh, okay. Do you want someone who is quiet and reserved or a yahoo? (Yes, the dentist said yahoo.) Oh, I want a yahoo, lunatic madman. Why? Well, he may come up with some crazy cheap option, or pull my teeth.

He booked me a quiet guy. I asked if he keeps bourbon in his office. Why? You know, to kill the pain. He was not sure. I better do some shopping before I see this guy.

Sadly, I will probably continue to lose teeth until the only option is an upper denture. I do not have upwards of ten to twenty grand to spend just so I can chew my food. Besides, I already have a blender.