i am running out of teeth

Most adults have thirty-two teeth. I currently have twenty-two. I used to have thirty-two.

When I was in my late teens I got braces. However, before that could happen, I had to have four teeth removed because, as my orthodontist stated, my mouth was too small for all the teeth I had. Contrary to what all my elementary school teachers would write in my report card every year.

That left me with twenty-eight teeth.

Then many years later, my dentist recommended that I have my wisdom teeth removed as there was a very good chance they would cause me grief down the line. So, I had them pulled. Looking back, I probably should have left them in for as long as I could.

That left me with twenty-four teeth.

A few years later, while I was working for Dell Computers, I ground out a molar on the upper left side. I say ground out, but the dentist really removed it. Not that it took a lot of work as it was barely attached. It was at this point I started using a night guard. My dentist and I determined it was stress related in addition to the fact that I was a grinder when I slept. 

That left me with twenty-three teeth.

A couple of years ago I ground out a molar on the upper right side. At least I was balanced. Even with the night guard, my stress grinding still pushed it out. Different stress, not from Dell this time, some other crappy job.

That left me with twenty-two teeth.

Now, when the last tooth was on its way out, just before I had it pulled, I was in excruciating pain. It was also the weekend. Acetaminophen did not work. Ibuprofen did not work. Heavy-duty prescription naproxen did not work. The neighbour offered me some of his pain meds for a back injury he sustained. I think they were some pretty heavy-duty opioids. I turned those down. So, I took a page from those western movies and poured a shot of Wild Turkey 81 (the old stuff not the crappy stuff they are putting out now) and took tiny sips and let it wash over the tooth. Believe it or not, it worked. Some temporary pain relief. When I saw my dentist after the weekend, I found out the tooth was infected. Some antibiotics and a bunch of Tylenol 3 and then the tooth was pulled.

Where was I? Oh yeah. 22 Chiclets left.

In the last few months the next one in line on the upper right has started to concern me. Not to mention the upper left as well. When I was last at the dentist, he told me that I will lose that tooth, it is only a matter of time. No way to save it. That bites, so to speak. He has also informed me on more than one occasion, which is generally every time I visit and ask, that I do not have enough bone in there to put in a prosthetic. Contrary to what many people say about my having a thick skull. That really sucks for me. I know the one on the left is not far behind. I do not want to purée my food.

I asked about pulling all the upper teeth and putting in dentures. He recommended against it. He suggested a small prosthetic. Um, I though I did not have a enough bone. Oh yeah. Well, we will look at options. Okay?

I should not be surprised. My mother lost all her teeth by the time she was twenty-five. I am sure it was in part from all the great and healthy things not provided by the Communist Regime of Poland. At least I still have two-thirds of mine in not yet double that time.

I called the dentist office last week as that tooth has really become aggravated and warned them that they would most likely be seeing me soon. The last two days have been very unfun. I woke-up in the middle of the night last night and took acetaminophen. Extra strength. Two of them. The relief lasted less than two hours. I sucked it up and while I was hiking was distracted enough not to notice. When I got back, the pain was waiting for me. Six-hundred milligrams of ibuprofen this time.

After being out all day, the pain was absent for eight hours. Pretty good. The pain is starting to come back and I have popped another 600 mg of ibuprofen. Hopefully it works its magic again. I will call the dentist on Monday to set up the probable pulling and hopefully he will have some ideas on what can be done for me to keep chewing my food, as opposed to drinking it.

Soon to be 21 teeth. And probably shortly after that 20 teeth. At least that will be 62.5% of my teeth left.

Good thing I sent away for a free sample of Poligrip.