deportment around children - arguing

I was thinking all day what I was going to write about, and I could not think about anything very specific. Except one thing that kept creeping in to my thoughts all day. I know not why. So, I will write about this. 

Do not argue in front of your children.

So, as a rule, I do not hide (most) anything from the boy. I do not lie to the boy either. Sure, when he was young, yarns would be spun, but I have never lied to him. He knows I am an ass in general. He knows I am often a difficult person. He knows I smoke cigars and pipe tobacco. I he knows I drink alcoholic beverages; although I do not get hammered in front of him, not that I generally get hammered anymore - hey, I am no longer a twenty year old bonehead. He pretty much knows all my foibles and shortcomings. He knows I bitch and moan. He knows I am argumentative.

However, I do not get in to all out barneys, with anyone, in front of him. Sure the wife and I bicker. We often disagree on much subject matter. Do we go all out. No, not really. If we did, we certainly would not expose the boy to it. A good thing the wife also knows I am an argumentative, difficult ass.

Something the wife and I have observed over the years, is how many parents do not really care about hashing it out in a most negative and destructive manner in front of their kids, or even other peoples kids. Why?

No matter what issues, problems, difficulties a couple may have, you do not expose your kids to the nasty side of it. First of all, I already know (most) kids are smart enough to figure out if something is wrong. Providing absolute confirmation through a mutual freak out with your significant other is no way to make it official.

Talk to your kids. First, they will probably confirm they already know. Second, if they are really smart, they will probably point out how much the two of you are being morons. Third, they may very well help provide a solution or at least give their opinion which you should value no matter what. Hey, the boy, not to mention the wife, has told me more than once that I am an ass - and he was right.

You owe it to them to be honest with them. That is why I do not hide my habits from him. He is also aware that some of those habits are stupid and/or unhealthy. If you are having problems then be honest with them.

However, under no circumstances should you ever, as their primary reference for life, have an all out battle, verbal or physical, in front of them or even with any chance of them being within earshot. You want to screech and yell with your mate? Go somewhere far away. You want to duke it out? Well, then you are a complete asshole. First, do not do that. Second, if you cannot help yourself, leave and cool off.

No child should ever be exposed to any of that toxicity. Love and respect your kids, we do. blbbl